The Blame Game

“You always do….” “You never do…” “Why can’t you…” Do any of your conversations with your partner start with this phrases? I know we all get angry and frustrated!! Starting your comments with these phrases will sound like complaints and will probably put your partner on the defensive.

What to do?

1. Instead of a complaint start with a REQUEST. “Hey, I’d love it if you could…” or “I wonder if we could…” 

2. TEAM approach: use words like “we” to show that it’s not you against your partner. This will help your partner stay calm and feel more collaborative. 

3. Don’t start with YOU!! Start with words like “I feel (name an emotion)…” or “I’d love it if we could…”

4. Keep it POSITIVE. Instead of “Why don’t we ever…” Start with a positive request of “I’d love it if we could…” 

Try these simple, but not always easy, communication skills in your marriage and notice how your conversations become easier and more peaceful.