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  • Stealers of Intimacy

    Do you and your partners feel like roommates and lack the spark you once had? Are you wondering where your sexy partner that you once had went to? If this sounds like your relationship then you’re not alone. 

    After a while things may shift and change in your relationship and in your sexual intimacy, this is normal. It doesn’t mean that you love each other less or that it’s time to leave the relationship, but you may have become more complacent and comfortable in the relationship. Here’s what steals our intimacy and how to combat it:

    1. Being too busy.

    We all have busy lives between work, kids, the gym, aging parents or friends and siblings that may need our help it may feel that there’s no time to connect with each other. 

    But to have sexual intimacy we need to have emotional intimacy! We need to make our relationship a priority and spend time together which can look like “couch time” sitting on the couch, face to face, for 15 minutes a couple times a week and catching up with each other’s lives or playing a board game or doing a puzzle.

    2. Electronics.

    I would be a rich lady if I had a dime for every time I hear a couple say that their evenings consist of watching TV or being on their phones on the couch or in separate rooms. TV and your phones don’t create emotional intimacy with each other, which is crucial for developing physical intimacy. 

    Ditch the TV programs, at least every other evening, and do something together. If you need ideas see above point #1 or you can go for a walk, try a new restaurant, play pickle ball together, etc. 

    3. Kids and Pets.

    So we can’t ditch the kids so what do we do? One thing that saves so many parents of young kids is helping them have an early bedtime. When children go to bed early it helps parents have more time to spend together and connect. 

    Sleeping without your kids or pets (especially dogs, who I love) will not only help you have a better night sleep it will make the possibility of sexual intimacy an option. 

    4. Stress. 

    Life is stressful and we try to do too much. Stress will definitely affect one’s ability to relax and be emotionally or physically intimate with one’s self and/ or partner. 

    Find stress relievers that work for you, some that help my clients are: “couch time” with your partner, chat with a friend, see a therapist (I’m happy to help), exercise, take a walk, shake it out, practice deep breathing, yoga, meditation, journalling. Find what works for you and do it as often as necessary to beat stress.

    So there are the Top 4 Stealers of Intimacy that I see in my individual and couples therapy practice. Try these solutions to reduce the stealers and let me know how it goes for you. 

    If you’re looking for therapy to improve your relationship with yourself or others send me an email and we’ll chat. [email protected]