I NEED MY SPACE!

WHY DO I PULL AWAY FROM MY PARTNER?

Pulling away in a relationship can happen for many reasons, and it’s often a protective response—whether we know it or not.

Some reasons we pull away are:

1. Fear of vulnerability: Getting close to someone can stir up fears of being hurt, rejected, or abandoned. Depending on our family of origin dynamics and past relationships, it may not have been safe for you to be real or share feelings or emotions.

2. Past trauma or relationship wounds: If you’ve been hurt in previous relationships or in your family growing up, you might instinctively distance yourself and retreat to avoid pain or discomfort. You may feel like when you’ve trusted someone you’ve been hurt and you don’t want to experience that pain again.

3. Overwhelm or emotional burnout: If the relationship feels more intense than you’re used to or you’re managing a lot emotionally, pulling back might feel like the only way to breathe and tune into yourself again.

4. Need for independence: Everyone has a different balance of closeness and space. You might simply need more space than your partner, which is completely normal, be sure to let your partner know when you need space, how much time you need and when you’ll come back to talk and reconnect. 

5. Doubts or unresolved issues: If you’re unsure about the relationship or feel there’s unresolved issues, you might retreat instead of talking with your partner about your concerns.

6. Unmet needs: If your emotional, physical, or psychological needs aren’t being met you may withdraw from the relationship and sweep issues “under the rug” and hope they just go away.

7. Low self-esteem or insecurity: Feeling unworthy of love or not good enough can lead to pulling away as a way of “protecting” yourself or your partner due to fear of not getting it right.

Reflections: 
– When exactly do you notice yourself pulling away? Is it after certain interactions? Feeling criticized? Or when you’re partner wants too much time together?

-Do you pull away during specific phases of the relationship, when things start to get more serious?

I can help you feel close to your partner without feeling overwhelmed and pulling away, while being true to yourself. Email me at: [email protected]