How to Practice Self-Compassion
Most of us are taught as kids how to be kind, considerate and compassionate toward others. But rarely are we told to show the same consideration to ourselves! It’s ok to be kind, thoughtful and compassionate to ourselves…in fact, we need to be! A lack of self compassion and care for oneself becomes even more true for individuals who were brought up in abusive or unloving homes.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is taken from Buddhist psychology and refers to how we can relate to the self with kindness. Self-compassion or self-love is NOT to be confused with arrogance or selfishness. In actuality, arrogance and selfishness stem from the absence of self-love.
But what does it really mean to be kind with ourselves? It means that on a day-to-day basis we are mindful of being courteous, supportive and compassionate with ourselves. Too many individuals treat themselves with harsh judgement instead of compassion. Some people are overly critical of themselves or talk poorly to themselves. We need to be as understanding and kind to ourselves as we would be to any other person.
Why is this important? Because self-compassion helps us recognize our unconditional worth and value. It allows us to recognize though we may sometimes make bad decisions, we’re not bad people.
Research, over the past decade, has shown the parallel between self care and psychological wellbeing. Those who recognize self-compassion also tend to have better connections with others, are reportedly happier with their own lives, and have a higher satisfaction with life overall. Self-compassion also correlates with less shame, anxiety and depression.
Now that you know the what and why of self-compassion, let’s look at the how.
How to Practice Self-Compassion
Treat Yourself as You Would a Small Child
You would never harshly judge or belittle a small child the way you do yourself. You would only want to help and love that child. When you begin to treat yourself as you would a small child, you begin to show yourself the same love, gentleness and kindness.
Every minute your mind is handling millions of bits of information, though you consciously are only aware of a few of them. This is to say we all have scripts or programs running in our minds 24/7. These scripts and programs are running our lives, insisting we have certain behaviors and make certain decisions.
Some of these scripts are the ones that tell us how “bad” or “unlovable” we are. They’ve been running since we were kids. The way to quiet these scripts is to become more mindful of your own mind and change our mind to being compassionate toward ourself.
When you begin to have a feeling or reaction to something, stop and ask yourself WHO is feeling that? Or thinking that? Is it the compassionate self or the program running? If it’s the program, thank the program for what it has done and release it then think a new more supportive, grateful thought about yourself.
Good Will vs Good Feelings
Self-compassion is a conscious act of kindness we show ourselves; it’s not a way to alleviate emotional pain. Life happens, and we can’t always avoid negative or sad feelings. Never mistake self-compassion as a tool to ignore your deep and rich emotional life.
These are just a few ways you can begin to cultivate self-compassion. If you’d like to explore more ways to help reduce your feelings of self-criticsm and judgement, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how therapy with me can help.