Great Sex is not Rocket Science (Gottman)
Fact: Couples who have a great sex life everywhere on the planet are doing the same set of things.
Additionally, couples who do not have a great sex life everywhere on the planet are not doing these things.
Inspired by the Normal Bar study, as well as by my own research studies on more than 3,000 couples over four decades, I’ve identified 13 things all couples do who have an amazing sex life.
- They say “I love you” every day and mean it
- They kiss one another passionately for no reason
- They give surprise romantic gifts
- They know what turns their partners on and off erotically
- They are physically affectionate, even in public
- They keep playing and having fun together
- They cuddle
- They make sex a priority, not the last item of a long to-do list
- They stay good friends
- They can talk comfortably about their sex life
- They have weekly dates
- They take romantic vacations
- They are mindful about turning toward
In short, they turn toward one another with love and affection to connect emotionally and physically. In the Normal Bar study, only 6% of non-cuddlers had a good sex life. What is very clear from the Normal Bar study is that having a great sex life is not rocket science. It is not difficult.
Fact: Couples have a bad sex life everywhere on the planet.
The Sloan Center at UCLA studied 30 dual-career heterosexual couples in Los Angeles. These couples had young children. The researchers were like anthropologists – observing, tape-recording, and interviewing these couples. They discovered that most of these young couples:
- Spend very little time together during a typical week
- Become job-centered (him) and child-centered (her)
- Talk mostly about their huge to-do lists
- Seem to make everything else a priority other than their relationship
- Drift apart and lead parallel lives
- Are unintentional about turning toward one another
One researcher on this project told me it was his impression that these couples spent only about 35 minutes together every week in conversation, and most of their talk was about errands and tasks that they had to get done.
Let’s get your relationship and sex life back on track. Email me for a complimentary consultation: [email protected]
From: Gottman newsletter: https://www.gottman.com/blog/building-great-sex-life-not-rocket-science/?utm_campaign=48087205-July%202026%20Summer%20Road%20Trip%20Campaign&utm_medium=email&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-_stVwGjTiGlWXU8T6WP12Ge1T_AnzfrrVLI2IACFlBAJkRuUJAJHjMAV2vBjEMPSmejrPCfB8KI4E4FEc2AkVeB6COXA&_hsmi=428059174&utm_content=428059751&utm_source=hs_email