Ending a Casual Relationship

Lately it might seem like casual relationships are more common than serious ones. You might call it a “hook up” or a “friend with benefits”. What is usually meant by this is that a relationship is usually sexual in nature, but without a commitment attached to it.

Casual relationships can be fun and fulfilling. They can provide you with companionship and sexual intimacy, definitely serving a purpose during a certain period in your life. However, problems in a casual relationship can arise when one person begins to develop feelings, and the other doesn’t. Your partner may decide that they want commitment, but you don’t (or vice versa); and you’ve decided that it’s time to end the relationship. What do you do?

It’s OK

There’s nothing wrong with not being ready to be in a long term relationship. Or if you’re the one who’s caught feelings and have been rebuffed by your partner, there’s no need to feel awkward or take things personally. A sexual connection can create the feeling of intimacy; your feelings are natural and normal.

Stop Sex

When it’s time to end the relationship, the sexual contact probably should stop. I know it’s hard to change this pattern of sexual chemistry and continuing sexual intimacy after you’ve realized you need to cut ties with this person will only confuse your partner (or you.)

Be Direct and Kind

When it’s time to break the news to your partner, do both of you a favor: be clear, direct and honest, but kind. Pick a public place to meet for coffee or drinks, and make sure you arrive separately. When it’s time to break the news, let them know that you enjoyed your time together, but that you’ve decided you no longer want to be in this relationship and that you need to move on. There’s no need for a lengthly explanation. Thank your partner for the time you had together and wish them well. 

If for any reason you feel it’s unsafe to break up with your partner in person, then call or text instead. Your safety always comes first so trust your gut on this one.

Prepare for Their Reaction

It’s natural for people to react negatively or to be emotional after a break up. Stay calm and listen to what they have to say without interrupting. You can repeat back to them what you heard them say to help validate their feelings, but reiterate that you’re no longer interested in seeing them.

End Contact

Now that it’s over, it’s time to end contact. No more text messages, phone calls or DM’s. Don’t like their photos or comments on social media. This will only send mixed messages, or make it more difficult for you to break it off.

Are you having a hard time moving on after a break-up? Do you need help deciding if the relationship you’re in is right for you? I can help. Email me today and let’s schedule a time to talk. [email protected]