4 Essential Relationship Elements of a Lasting Love
When we’re young, we’re taught how to share and play well with others. Somehow as adults, these early lessons don’t always translate into building and maintaining loving relationships.
But, it’s never too late to learn new life skills, and creating healthy relationships is one of the best skills you can have. The following are the essential relationship elements of a lasting love. As you master these, you will set yourself up to experience a wonderful relationship.
Create Trust and Mutual Respect
Even the most loving of relationships is going to be put to the test every once in a while. All couples experience ups and downs and the stress of every day life. The key is to not take that out on each other. As Stan Tatkin states, “You’re in the foxhole together” don’t turn against each other when life gets tough.
Create a safe environment in your relationship where each of you can speak kindly, honestly and freely. Never interrupt or yell or belittle the other person. Should things get too heated, step back, and let things cool down. Re-engage in conversation when both of you have had some time to think and can come back to the conversation with a calmer, collaborative view.
Don’t Judge
“For better or for worse.” If you’re married, those are the words you agreed to. If you’re not married, you still made a choice to partner with another human being who has flaws and quirks just like you, none of us are perfect.
It’s important to accept your partner and not judge them harshly. This doesn’t mean you have to like everything they do, and it doesn’t mean you can’t remind them every once in awhile that they need to scoop the cat litter as well.
But it does mean that you should try and be as kind and compassionate as possible. Compassion is the opposite of judgement and it allows you to be open and fully connect with the ones you love.
Make Time for Each Other
It’s far too easy to get busy and neglect the relationship. Many couples get to the point where they become more like roommates than a romantic couple. Don’t let this happen. Be sure to make time each week to check in with each other and reconnect in a meaningful way.
Be Responsible for Your Feelings
No one can “fix us” or make us all better. We must heal ourselves from old wounds and scars (and we all have those!). Our partners should be there to support us in becoming whole, but ultimately it is our responsibility to heal, not theirs.
These guidelines can help you and your love remain a positive force in each other’s lives. But let’s face it, sometimes life can come at us and before we know it, the relationship is on the rocks. At times like these, it can be very helpful to see a couples therapist, like Janelle, who can guide you through the rough patch and get you reconnected.
If you and your partner would like to explore therapy options, please get in touch. I would be happy to discuss how I can help. Email me today at: [email protected]