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  • Tips to Manage Anger Around Your Family During the Holidays

    For many of us, spending time with family can be a grab bag of emotions. While you may feel love and familiarity, there’s also decades-long dynamics between you and your family members that may not feel the best. Your family might treat you like the teenager they remember or you might revert to that role when you’re around your family without even realizing it.

    There could be many things that make spending time with family a challenge. Old family conflicts, harbored resentments, and spoken or unspoken disagreements can make you dread seeing them again. If you have trouble managing your anger when you’re around your family, read on for some tips on how to keep your cool.

    Define How You Experience Anger

    People experience anger differently. Some might get more aggressive, some might withdraw, and some internalize the anger. By being aware of how you experience anger, you can better recognize when that emotion is starting to develop inside you so you can manage how you respond.

    Rehearse Responses

    It’s very common for family to ask intrusive or inappropriate questions. You might have a busybody aunt who always asks about your relationships, or maybe your sister is constantly bugging you about starting a family. Come prepared with rehearsed responses so you won’t be caught off guard.

    Set Boundaries

    It’s important to set boundaries with family. If a family member is aggressive or rude to you, or is always making you the butt of their jokes, your silence acts as approval of their behavior. Because you don’t protest, they think what they’re saying or doing is fine with you. Furthermore, pretending their bad behavior is acceptable only gives them more room to continue the bad behavior, or to get worse. Set boundaries with family and let them know when things they’re saying or doing is not okay with you. Having a phrase that you can use may be helpful such as, “Ouch, that hurt”. It ok to be assertive while being respectful. 

    Cut the Visit Short

    Sometimes the best option to keep the family peace (and your sanity) is to spend less time together. If your family tends to have snacks or drinks before dinner, show up just in time to join the family for dinner at the table. You can also opt to skip dessert or coffee and leave a bit early to “go home and let the dog outside” or “put the kids down for a nap”.

    Family relationships are complex and deep-rooted, and family are often the ones who know best how to push your buttons. While managing your upset and anger can be challenging, learning to manage your emotions is a healthy act of self-love. It will not only keep you sane, but it will keep your family relationships unharmed and intact.

    If you’re having difficulty navigating complicated family relationships, I can help. Email me today and let’s schedule a time to talk. [email protected]