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  • Hellos and Goodbyes

    How do you greet your partner after a long day out at work or home with the kids? Do you quickly rush by your partner to put down your bags or go to the bathroom? Or do you make eye contact, smile and have a long, lingering, big bear hug?What about when you wake up in the morning? How do you say hello to your partner? Do you race out of the house for your workout class or to get the kids out the door to school? Or do you set your alarm 15 minutes earlier to snuggle a bit longer?How do you say goodbye when you leave for the day? Do you yell goodbye from the other room or does your partner stay in bed asleep without saying hello or good bye in the morning?

    Taking the time to say hello in the morning and after work, as well as saying goodbye for the day are vital to keeping your relationship alive, happy and healthy! We rush around from activity to activity with barely a glance at our partners, but a deep, purposeful eye gaze can create an amazing connection with your partner. And who among us won’t like more of a connection with our partner?

    We all long to be seen, heard and valued. By sharing these quick moments but doing so in an intentional way can jump start your relationship to feeling closer and more cared for. As Stan Tatkin states, “you need to have the owners manual on your partner” and one way to learn more about your partner is through how you say hello and goodbye. Stan states this is vital to relationship connection and happiness.

    Here’s some ideas of how people say hello and goodbye that I see in my couples-sex therapy practice:

    Make breakfast together
    Eat breakfast together
    Snuggle in bed 15 minutes early each day and at night
    Shower together
    Have a cup of coffee/tea together
    Have “couch time” where you sit and talk about things that “really” matter
    Long, lingering hugs am/pm
    Gaze kindly into each others eyes last thing at night
    Make eye contact anytime you are talking with each other
    State 3 things you appreciate about your partner from the day (say it like you really mean it!) 
    Read a book to each other before you go to sleep
    Play a game in bed before sleep
    Face caress: touch each other’s face like it’s the first time you’ve ever seen them
    Help take out kids or bags to your partner’s car and bring them in at night

    Have fun playing with these ideas. I look forward to hearing how you and your partner say hello and good bye to each other. Happy Connecting….